Posts Tagged ‘too small’

Simple Logic

Monday, November 15th, 2010

It was only a matter of time. Big Boobs Heidi and her little strapless bikini to were bound to part ways. A little band of fabric is not going to keep you covered, especially if you’re splashing about bouncing around your silicone-filled tatas. Not very smart. Then again, this is the person who had a 10 plastic surgery procedures all in one go at the ripe old age of 23.

Bikini Stuffing

Monday, October 18th, 2010

When I think of stuffing, I think of Thanksgiving and turkey dinners. When I think of bikini stuffing, something like this comes to mind. I’m not sure how wearing this bikini top on seemed like a good idea, but apparently Tara Reid didn’t care. With the amount of spillage going on here, it’s obvious this top is too small. I wonder what the bottoms looked like.

Word to the wise

Thursday, October 14th, 2010

Here are some signs that your bikini top is too small:

1) You have sideboobs.

2) You have underboobs.

3) You have both sideboobs and underboobs.

If you’re still not sure, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself, “does all this extra boob-spillage look normal?”  If you’re still uncertain, you should probably stay away from bikinis altogether.

Size does matter

Monday, September 27th, 2010

Sometimes bikinis fit, and sometimes they don’t. This is an example of the latter. Not only is it an unflattering shade of pale pink, but the suit is also unlined…which means it’s see-through…which means…AGH!

I’m not saying this woman shouldn’t be wearing a bikini. Women come in all shapes and sizes, but so do bikinis. Unfortunately, this woman decided to flaunt her assets in one that is definitely the wrong size. Maybe opt for one that has a lot more support on top and a little less string on the bottom. And definitely one in a different color.

Square peg, round hole

Monday, August 16th, 2010

Sometimes, things just don’t fit. And when this happens, we generally know. When your shoes are too small or your pants or too big or your bra is too tight, you just know. You’d think the same common sense would be applicable to the fit of a bikini, but from time to time, I am proven wrong.

Perhaps this woman just didn’t know her bikini bottom was too small for her. Maybe she thought showing off half her crack was a hot look. Who knows. Either way, it’s plain as day that this bottom is way too small to cover much of anything. I hope the top was the right size….

Bizarre, Wrong and Way Too Small

Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

I don’t know where to start.  Is this woman even at a beach or is she just walking around town like dressed like this??  Ok, assuming she’s making her way to a beach, that top is obviously waaay too small.  Any sudden movements and she’d probably have to pay a fine for public indecency.  And are those really bottoms??  It looks like it was improvised from a surgical mask (again, way too small) and I really don’t want to know what the back looks like.  And those pants…..what is going on with those pants?!  Yes, they’re a beautifully matched shade of baby blue but why are you trying to draw attention to your crotch like that?  Who made this thing?? Again, I don’t want to know what the back looks like.

Bizarre, wrong and way too small

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Candy Should Be Eaten, Not Worn

Saturday, July 10th, 2010

There's little doubt as to why this bikini has been listed – it's made out of Lifesavers and string.  Now, I have nothing against Lifesavers.  They are delicious little candies that bring 5 minutes of tasty joy to my day.  But the fact that they are candy means that they should be consumed, not strung together let alone worn.  Apart from the fact that it looks like it's going to snap into pieces after the next step she takes, wouldn't this thing eventually dissolve in the water?  And wouldn't it get sticky and gooey in the sun??  If this was an art project for kindergarten then the use of candy would be appropriate, as would marshmallows, glitter, ribbons and Cheerios.  But something about this woman tells me that she's not in kindergarten….

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