Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Bizarre Bikini Contestants

Thursday, January 23rd, 2014

These girls are dead serious about winning and they pretty much all should get the prize because all of the costumes are horribly on the same level but fun too.

Solar Powered Bikini

Saturday, July 31st, 2010

Now I’ve seen it all. A few years back, an inventor named Andrew Schneider was working on a solar powered bikini. Imagine being able to tan while charging your phone, mp3 player, or whatever other electronic gadget you have with you just by just plugging them into your bikini. The prototype was made up using 1″ x 4″ photovoltaic film strips that supply 6.5 volts at 1.5 amps. I’m SHOCKED that these bikinis aren’t taking over and being worn by all beach goers. NOT! A solar powered bikini… Really?

Solar Powered Bikini

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Is it Halloween Already?

Monday, July 26th, 2010

I am not quite sure where to begin with this atrocious Halloween bikini.  First of all, we obviously cannot all look like Brazilian supermodels, but know when something is simply not flattering for your shape.  The top is clearly too small, though it is hard to tell what it actually looks like because of the way she has it twisted into an attempt at a strapless top.  This triangle top was never meant to be worn bandeau style.  Also, this woman’s fat is oozing out at the sides.  Not cute.  Let’s discuss the bottom, shall we?  While I am thankful that this is not a micro bikini, it still looks pretty bad.  The orange and black reminds me of Halloween, as previously mentioned and I do not think it makes for flattering bikini colors.  Also, this woman’s thighs seem to have a scary abundance of cellulite.  I would suggest a sarong or other type of cover up.  To make matters even worse, she has chosen to style her hair in horrific corn rows.  Unless she is attending a contest for scariest Halloween costume, I think she should seriously consider getting out of sight as soon as possible.

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Big, Purple Mess

Sunday, July 25th, 2010

Feeling confident in your body is a wonderful thing. However, there are times when you should keep that information to yourself. Bikinis are made in larger sizes because companies want to make money, not because it is necessarily a good idea.  This woman has far too much fat on her body to be wearing a two-piece of any kind.  Not to mention, every square inch of her seems to be covered in cellulite.  Aside from her actual body, the large purple bottom is wrinkly, baggy and altogether strange.  It almost looks like she murdered that awful singing dinosaur and decided to wear his skin.

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Crack is Whack

Sunday, July 25th, 2010

Uh oh, looks like Sienna Miller made the mistake of flashing bystanders because her bikini didn't fit very well.  I wear bikinis.  I get it.  Stuff like this happens.  But it usually only happens when the bikini has been worn way too many times and has lost all sense of elasticity and resilience.  Or maybe the suit was just too big to begin with.  Either way, it resulted in a serious blooper.  Let this be a warning to all of us the importance of wearing a bikini that fits properly.  Nice arms though.

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Save the Paint for Your Art Projects

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

One might think that a painted on bikini would be sexy, especially on an attractive woman such as this.  However, this pink fish scale creation would do better hanging in an art gallery.   Aside from her stunning model face, this woman clearly has a toned, sexy figure.  Unfortunately, this highly unflattering paint job causes her breasts to appear much droopier than they probably are.  Even beach bodies sometimes require support which this young lady is clearly not getting.  She should be thankful that her bottom half is submerged in water, at least.  Ladies, it is sexy to show off a fit body in a skin revealing suit.  Just make sure you are covered with some actual fabric, and leave the paint for the canvas.

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First, let me regain control of my gag reflex.

*Deep breath*

Marine animals, if they're not swimming around in the wild, are meant for either consumption or display in aquariums.  This fact, I thought, was understood by everyone everywhere.  But evidently I am wrong because this woman decided to string two squids (or whatever they are) together and wear it as a top in a kiddie pool.  At least get bigger squids so you're not in danger of flashing the people who haven't yet run away.  The slimy design is revolting.  I'm not the type of person who gets grossed out easily but seeing this makes my skin crawl.  Ugh.

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Baseball Glove Bikini

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

I'm sensing that people have a weird fascination with fitting things over breasts.  This top looks like a strapless bra that had two baseball gloves glued over the cups so that, well, you could presumably slip a hand in them and, well, you get the idea.  And if you don't like the blue version, there's a green and orange version as well.  I don't know what anyone would make this.  Obviously it's not a functional bikini.  Since there are no neck ties, I imagine it'd get heavy after a while and just slide down.  And no, I do not wish to hazard a guess as to what the bottoms look like.

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Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

I don’t know where to start.  Is this woman even at a beach or is she just walking around town like dressed like this??  Ok, assuming she’s making her way to a beach, that top is obviously waaay too small.  Any sudden movements and she’d probably have to pay a fine for public indecency.  And are those really bottoms??  It looks like it was improvised from a surgical mask (again, way too small) and I really don’t want to know what the back looks like.  And those pants…..what is going on with those pants?!  Yes, they’re a beautifully matched shade of baby blue but why are you trying to draw attention to your crotch like that?  Who made this thing?? Again, I don’t want to know what the back looks like.

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