Posts Tagged ‘Bikini Bloopers’

Bikini Bottom Mishap

Thursday, January 27th, 2011
evangeline lilly picture

Here’s the lovely Evangeline Lilly trying to surf in Hawaii. Turns out the surf got the best of her and tried to take her bottoms right off. This is one bikini mistake I’m super happy to have seen as I’m sure most of you here will agree with.

Wardrobe Malfunction

Monday, January 10th, 2011

Poor Whitney Port. Her bikini just won’t stay on. The multi-colored leopard print string tie bikini looks like it has a mind of its own. The cups are migrating west while the bottoms are migrating south. Perhaps she just got tumbled in a big wave (hey, it’s possible) or maybe it’s an old suit and the elastic has worn away. Or maybe she should get just a bikini that fits.

Sunburn

Thursday, January 6th, 2011

Her day probably started out normal enough. A friend called to invite her to the beach, she dug out a bikini, put some drinks in a cooler and headed out. And then she must have not moved for the next six hours because not only does she look as red as a lobster but those tan lines are crisp.

One word: sunscreen.

Have fun peeling dead skin off your butt.

The Importance of Support

Monday, November 29th, 2010

Long and leggy Uma Thurman has the height that most women would love to have. But I guess being tall has its drawbacks like super slouching. She may be hunched over for a reason and this just happens to be a really bad photo, but the slouchy posture is not lending her cleavage a good look. In fact, it looks like this tank top-like bikini top is about to leave her hanging. So word to the wise: Don’t slouch and sag.

Bikinis are for women – Part 2.

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

I’m aware that cross-dressing exists. I just didn’t know it extended to swimwear.

Here’s another example of the mankini. I think the suit might be a better look sans chest hair but that’s just my opinion. The cherry red is a good color on him as it brings out his pink undertones. He may want to consider a less diaper-like bottom though because all that fabric is just not a flattering look.

Bikinis are for women.

Monday, August 30th, 2010

Bikinis, the two-piece swimwear that’s designed to cover breasts and private areas, are for women. I’m not sure if everyone knew that, so I thought I’d put it out there for the purposes of clarification. I’m not sure why a man would 1) get the idea to put on a bikini and 2) think it’s a good a idea and 3) think it’s a good idea to wear during a game of cricket. Actually, reason #3 would probably be to distract the opposing team, so I guess it’s a good tactic, but wearing next to nothing in a ball sport where balls go flying is, well, ballsy.

Eat a sandwich

Monday, August 23rd, 2010

Understandably, not everyone has a bikini model body. We can’t all be super tall and super thin, but apparently we can get too thin like this woman here. If you’re not sure you’re too skinny, here’s a short list of questions you can ask yourself.

Can you clearly see all of the ribs in your rib cage?

Does your pelvis jut out over your thighs?

Do you sometimes wonder where your organs went as there is no way there’s any room left for them in your abnormally tiny torso?

Do you often wear sweaters and pants to keep you warm in even mild climates because you have no fat to keep you insulated?

Are you often mistaken for a mummy?

If you answered “yes” to any of the questions above, it may be time for you to eat a sandwich.

Square peg, round hole

Monday, August 16th, 2010

Sometimes, things just don’t fit. And when this happens, we generally know. When your shoes are too small or your pants or too big or your bra is too tight, you just know. You’d think the same common sense would be applicable to the fit of a bikini, but from time to time, I am proven wrong.

Perhaps this woman just didn’t know her bikini bottom was too small for her. Maybe she thought showing off half her crack was a hot look. Who knows. Either way, it’s plain as day that this bottom is way too small to cover much of anything. I hope the top was the right size….