Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

I'm confused.

Monday, July 19th, 2010

I'm not entirely sure what's being worn here.  I see a bikini top, that's good, but I don't see a bottom.  Maybe it's that little patch of blue?  If it is, it sure as hell is the tiniest bottom ever.  And if it is, where is the rest of it?  And could someone please explain the mesh thing?  Is that a cover up?  Where's the bottom of it?  What are all those ties at the bottom?  What is going on?!  I'm so confused….

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Micro Suit Equals Mega Mistake

Sunday, July 18th, 2010

This woman is wearing a micro monokini.  It seems only common sense that a micro suit of any kind should only be worn by women with smaller bodies, but apparently this woman has no sense.  While she may not be the largest woman you will ever see at the beach, this horrible orange suit is cutting into her fat, making her look that way.  Her top has no support, and I feel very afraid of what will be revealed when she moves her leg.  This particular suit does not appear to be covering a very specific area properly.  This woman definitely needs to stay immersed in the water until the sun goes down.

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Watermelon Bikini

Friday, July 16th, 2010

I don't know what it is with people and wanting to turn food into bikinis. Food is edible, bikinis not so much.  Do people really want to be able to eat their bikinis? Is there some edible swimwear fetish that I'm not aware of? I hope not because that would just be weird.  Granted, this doesn't look like a real bikini.  Looks more like this girl thought this watermelon was too delicious and wanted to hold the rinds closer to her naked bosom…which is also weird….

Conclusion: People are weird.

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Monday, July 12th, 2010

I acknowledge that it would be ageist of me to ask whether there should be an age limit to wearing bikinis, but really, when you look at the photo of this super frail-looking woman in a g-string bikini would you not agree?!  How about an age limit to g-string bikinis?  Would that be better??  Actually, maybe this woman isn’t old at all.  Maybe she’s just a super tan, super skinny blond who wants to tan her butt (wherever it may be) and we should just let her do that.  Maybe.

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Dissolving Bikini

Monday, July 12th, 2010

A year or so ago I had heard about this gag gift called the “Get Naked Bikini” which is a water soluble bikini set. It looks like your regular two piece bikini but after three minutes contact with water it begins falling apart. It's actually made up of 80% polyamide, 20% elasthane. I'm not exactly sure how it's falling apart as I've seen some videos of it in action and it appears to be the clasps or just some strands of thread that hold the bikini together that dissolve and not the whole bikini. Is this something you would actually buy and give to someone as a gift? Not I!
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Meat Bikini

Sunday, July 11th, 2010

What could have ever made these beautiful young ladies think that processed pig carcass would be a fabulous idea for a bikini?  Bacon belongs in the frying pan, and even there it is not healthy.  To wear it on top of your naked skin is beyond disgusting.  If they are laying in the heat for too long, they may find that grease starts to run down their bodies.  Even worse, any nearby animals could do some serious physical damage.  Judging by their tight little bodies, these girls probably do not eat bacon, so I can't imagine why they feel the need to wear it.  I highly recommend that you avoid the use of any type of meat as apparel.

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Candy Should Be Eaten, Not Worn

Saturday, July 10th, 2010

There's little doubt as to why this bikini has been listed – it's made out of Lifesavers and string.  Now, I have nothing against Lifesavers.  They are delicious little candies that bring 5 minutes of tasty joy to my day.  But the fact that they are candy means that they should be consumed, not strung together let alone worn.  Apart from the fact that it looks like it's going to snap into pieces after the next step she takes, wouldn't this thing eventually dissolve in the water?  And wouldn't it get sticky and gooey in the sun??  If this was an art project for kindergarten then the use of candy would be appropriate, as would marshmallows, glitter, ribbons and Cheerios.  But something about this woman tells me that she's not in kindergarten….

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Beer Coaster Bikini

Thursday, July 8th, 2010

Coasters are flat surfaces designed for you to set your drink on.  They're usually round or square and made out of various materials like canvas, felt, rubber, glass or just about anything else you want.  Sometimes they even have fun designs, logos, pictures or words of wisdom printed on them.  They keep your drink from making rings on the table or scratching the surface and overall they're just very handy to have around.  Now, beer coasters have a purpose: they exist for you to set your ice cold beer down on.  If they served any other function, they'd no longer be called beer coasters.  Apparently the ladies in this photo thought stringing together a random assortment of beer coasters to form a haphazard bikini was an acceptable form of use.  Incorrect.  They are beer coasters.  They are made for beers, not boobs.

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