Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Bizarre Bikini Contestants

Thursday, January 23rd, 2014

These girls are dead serious about winning and they pretty much all should get the prize because all of the costumes are horribly on the same level but fun too.

Again with the marine life….

Monday, June 28th, 2010

At least this time they’re plastic.  I think this is a bikini and I think those are blowfish.  People are definitely getting creative with the swimwear these days.  Plastic fish, some colorful salamander-like looking things, little snails, some shells, add on some fringe and you’ve got a bikini!  This is a prime example of arts and crafts gone wrong.  The whole thing is a bizarre source of confusion and I’m just….well, confused.  How weird would it be to see someone walking around with this thing on?!  Who made it, who would buy it and why?!  I am so confused….

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Too Skinny

Sunday, June 27th, 2010

If you didn’t recognize her, this is a photo of Nicole Richie.  Yes, she looks really skinny.  In fact, I think she looks too skinny.  While she can wear a bandeau top with ease and avoid having to make any tugging adjustments on top, the bottoms are another issue.  Is it just me or do those bottoms look more like a sagging loincloth on the verge of being blown up by an sudden gust of wind?  The excess amount of fabric makes it look way too big (thus making her look way too small) and I don’t even want to know what the back looks like.  Really, I think she looked better when she was pregnant.

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Is it Halloween Already?

Saturday, June 26th, 2010

I am not quite sure where to begin with this atrocious Halloween bikini.  First of all, we obviously cannot all look like Brazilian supermodels, but know when something is simply not flattering for your shape.  The top is clearly too small, though it is hard to tell what it actually looks like because of the way she has it twisted into an attempt at a strapless top.  This triangle top was never meant to be worn bandeau style.  Also, this woman’s fat is oozing out at the sides.  Not cute.  Let’s discuss the bottom, shall we?  While I am thankful that this is not a micro bikini, it still looks pretty bad.  The orange and black reminds me of Halloween, as previously mentioned and I do not think it makes for flattering bikini colors.  Also, this woman’s thighs seem to have a scary abundance of cellulite.  I would suggest a sarong or other type of cover up.  To make matters even worse, she has chosen to style her hair in horrific corn rows.  Unless she is attending a contest for scariest Halloween costume, I think she should seriously consider getting out of sight as soon as possible.

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Big, Purple Mess

Friday, June 25th, 2010

Feeling confident in your body is a wonderful thing. However, there are times when you should keep that information to yourself. Bikinis are made in larger sizes because companies want to make money, not because it is necessarily a good idea.  This woman has far too much fat on her body to be wearing a two-piece of any kind.  Not to mention, every square inch of her seems to be covered in cellulite.  Aside from her actual body, the large purple bottom is wrinkly, baggy and altogether strange.  It almost looks like she murdered that awful singing dinosaur and decided to wear his skin.

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Crack is Whack

Friday, June 25th, 2010

Uh oh, looks like Sienna Miller made the mistake of flashing bystanders because her bikini didn't fit very well.  I wear bikinis.  I get it.  Stuff like this happens.  But it usually only happens when the bikini has been worn way too many times and has lost all sense of elasticity and resilience.  Or maybe the suit was just too big to begin with.  Either way, it resulted in a serious blooper.  Let this be a warning to all of us the importance of wearing a bikini that fits properly.  Nice arms though.

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Save the Paint for Your Art Projects

Monday, June 21st, 2010

One might think that a painted on bikini would be sexy, especially on an attractive woman such as this.  However, this pink fish scale creation would do better hanging in an art gallery.   Aside from her stunning model face, this woman clearly has a toned, sexy figure.  Unfortunately, this highly unflattering paint job causes her breasts to appear much droopier than they probably are.  Even beach bodies sometimes require support which this young lady is clearly not getting.  She should be thankful that her bottom half is submerged in water, at least.  Ladies, it is sexy to show off a fit body in a skin revealing suit.  Just make sure you are covered with some actual fabric, and leave the paint for the canvas.

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I'm sensing that people have a weird fascination with fitting things over breasts.  This top looks like a strapless bra that had two baseball gloves glued over the cups so that, well, you could presumably slip a hand in them and, well, you get the idea.  And if you don't like the blue version, there's a green and orange version as well.  I don't know what anyone would make this.  Obviously it's not a functional bikini.  Since there are no neck ties, I imagine it'd get heavy after a while and just slide down.  And no, I do not wish to hazard a guess as to what the bottoms look like.

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I don’t know where to start.  Is this woman even at a beach or is she just walking around town like dressed like this??  Ok, assuming she’s making her way to a beach, that top is obviously waaay too small.  Any sudden movements and she’d probably have to pay a fine for public indecency.  And are those really bottoms??  It looks like it was improvised from a surgical mask (again, way too small) and I really don’t want to know what the back looks like.  And those pants…..what is going on with those pants?!  Yes, they’re a beautifully matched shade of baby blue but why are you trying to draw attention to your crotch like that?  Who made this thing?? Again, I don’t want to know what the back looks like.

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